This looks stupid

•February 8, 2008 • Leave a Comment

you’re not japanese, stop it. stop naming your fucking children jade and asia. they aren’t real names.

defy him and perish

•February 6, 2008 • Leave a Comment

/noodily goodness

To the young poet drinking coffee at the Border’s cafe

•February 3, 2008 • Leave a Comment

“A day without fun is a day that eats shit.” —Hunter S. Thompson, circa 1992 you aren’t gonzo motherfucker, i’ve seen gonzo folk and you don’t exceed the minimum level of being an irritant. stop god-damn chain smoking, the only recognition you’ll get from that is early cancerous growth in your lungs. nobody cares if you drink recklessly and deprive yourself of sleep, the guy who sits behind wegman’s who likes to push around his empty shopping card has more cred in that field. wipe your ass and stop being so damn reckless.

this feels kinda racist

•February 1, 2008 • Leave a Comment

you are a racist, dirtbag.had to be said.

/it gives me that tingly feeling in all the wrong places.  >_<

glazed-over third eye

•January 24, 2008 • Leave a Comment

This may be the best MP3 player on the market. how could i possibly know this you ask? Simple, it kills my desire to test any other MP3 player out on the market while prospering the illusion that a sweet higher primate will bump uglies with me over the quality of my player’s graphic user interface. you won’t feel the need to dress like a whore to get people’s attention to the fact that you’re rocking out in the musical ether, they’ll see your mp3 player and it will hit them that this individual couldn’t possibly be feigning the ecstasy of losing oneself in the soulful croon of nickleback. you’ll hear such utterances like “he obviously doesn’t need a substitute for his loneliness like human companionship and intellectual nurturing, fuck no, he’s got it figured out” and if only you could hear them through your supra-aural sonic assault to the ears, you would be able to soak up the longing in their eyes and the glandular regret emanating from their pubic area. But then you could totally kick it into JPEG slideshow mode, but whoa! dig in those spurs, you don’t want to unload on these processed lumps of easy coddling. They gotta learn. They got to be taught to yearn for it on their lonesome. make their nuts tingle to the idea that happiness is a conspicuous choice away. Look how you were so lost in that last song, you completely ignored that old lady with the gimpy leg and the arthritic spinal cord that pains her like a medieval stretching rack, fawning for your seat, but you just ignored her while everyone else was just exhibiting an illusory attempt at getting-up-but-ah-shit-she’s-past-my-seat-now-and-won’t-look-back-to-witness-my-honorable -attempt-so-i’ll-just-sit-back-down-again-instead-of-making-a-scene-where-she-might-notice-no- satisfactory-conclusion-for-her. nah. you ignored her outright- as you should of. easily given compassion like that is an ugly sticker nametag, you’re better than that to sell yourself like a cheap whore, you preserved your dignity and stifled your concern, but not without the help of your XXXX mp3 player. Jesus would have never died for our sins if he had one of these in hand, they just scream “not to be interrupted”.

***** stars!

more splendor than a commemorative plate of the plague

•January 24, 2008 • Leave a Comment

yeah, i fucking hate people who name their cats Mr. Meepers too. Like any honorary human title is going to impart dignity to a cat so stupid that he pees on his own fur and is then overcome by the lone ambition of licking that area back into a state of purity. where the fuck is the synapse jolt in this furry bastard to tell itself not to do that? look, Mr. Meeper’s has got a fucking problem- that’s not liquid bliss (slightly congealed). if only society go together to manufacture rubber pants for cats, this issue would be solved and I wouldn’t have to be concerned with the amount of piss fur my cat is hoarding from me and secretly indulging in while I’m out. I don’t condone asian societies for dining on the kitty, but you have to realize as a human being when you see animals acting out in this manner, it just screams sacrificial pose. dogs are nice. cats can go to hell.

why are cruel/evil people always easily foiled by love?

•January 24, 2008 • Leave a Comment
it’s a snort of bliss to your wii induced passivity. experience this and you won’t have to feign loneliness and despair to catch the attention of that sweet inflatable mass, with the semi-composed smile and the peeling complexion. there’s just no substitute for being a REAL thankless cog.